Let me Introduce Myself…
Hey! I’m Rachael (or Rae). Woman, nature conduit, avid hiker, adventure cat companion, runner, snowboarder, learner, teacher, writer, abuse survivor, addiction overcomer, challenge lover, tree hugger, and overall resilient multidimensional human–just like you.
My intention in sharing more of my personal story along with my adventures in this blog is to give back. During my most difficult times in life, I leaned heavily on stories of others who were going through, or had been through similar challenges as me. I saw myself in their stories and was able to access hope and determination when I couldn’t find it within me. If this blog reaches just one person who finds it within themselves to keep going by reading about my journey, then I will have fulfilled my purpose.
I’d like to kick off this blog by sharing *a bit* of my background and how nature came to be such a critical part of my life. So throw on your trail shoes, and let’s take a little hike through relevant parts of my history. I might surprise you along the way.
Let’s get one thing straight: It’s okay to acknowledge and talk about abuse!
I grew up in Southern Oregon, a place that still calls to my heart, though I’ve lived in the Seattle area almost 25 years. My childhood was shaped by my experiences as the oldest child in a dysfunctional, abusive family system. As is the case with so many childhood abuse survivors, I ended up in a marriage that mirrored the unhealthy patterns to which I was accustomed. Thankfully, I’ve done and continue to do much healing, and I’ve removed myself from unhealthy relationships. I’m sharing this right off the bat because it’s what’s shaped me most, and I know so many others can relate.
It’s well known that every aspect of our childhood impacts who we become as adults. And while talking about abuse and neglect still comes with a heavy stigma, it’s an undeniable part of my life and the lives of many others. It is, sadly, a thread in the collective tapestry of humanity and I hope to help dismantle shame for all of us who have survived abuse by talking about it. Yet in addition to the myriad challenges in my childhood, I also received the qualities of grit and resilience, and the ability to find the gifts in hardship.
Plus, without the dysfunction of my past, I wouldn’t have the incredible connection with nature I have today. I’d be missing out on what I consider to be the most important healing force in my life and the lives of those I support. Let me just say, if you are someone who’s endured abuse of any kind, NATURE CAN HELP YOU HEAL! Also, if you’re someone who’s never endured abuse but you’re simply a human alive right now in modern society, NATURE CAN HELP YOU HEAL! I think I’ve made my point.
From the time I was very young, nature became a refuge for me; it was my family.
Climbing trees, riding my bike, gazing at the clouds, and listening to the river weren’t just fun activities–they were how I felt safe, seen, and provided for. Mountains and trees were my caretakers. I viewed them as steady, unwavering sources of love, wisdom, and stability, and I still do today. Cats were my companions, birds were my messengers, grass was my laboratory, rocks were my teachers, and the sun and moon were my elders. And they still are. Sure I had human friends too, but for people dealing with PTSD and CPTSD, human relationships are complicated to say the least. To be honest, I viewed almost all relationships with humans as dangerous firestorms of pain, abuse, and rejection waiting to engulf and suffocate me from the inside out (yes, it was that dramatic). As a little kid, it was just easier to be friends with trees, so that’s what I did.
Fast forward to age 16 when I moved out and started life on my own. My connection with nature changed as I began opening myself up more to human relationships. I managed to function socially and hide my pain enough through addiction (a topic for another day) to live a seemingly “normal” life. Yet I never let humans get very close to me, so I found solace and wholeness in the mountains and spent nearly all my free time there. Just like when I was a kid, I relied on the mountains to raise me, teach me, make me feel at home. Those first five years on my own were full of many happy memories thanks to my time in the mountains, solo and with friends.
Eventually, I met my now ex-husband and moved into a new life phase. While there are volumes I could write about this marriage, the most relevant aspect is that it impelled me to take up hiking and trail running more seriously. I was in a place of deep depression, anxiety, starvation, and pain. I was so disconnected from myself that I didn’t recognize myself. Hiking and trail running became the lifelines that reconnected me with my nature family. Working toward goals on trail gave me a sense of purpose and strength that I could take with me into the rest of my life. The more time I spent on trail, the more I began to reconnect with parts of myself I’d thought were lost forever. The more I reconnected with myself, the stronger I became—and the more determined I was to heal and escape the dismal place I’d fallen into.
Healing while still in a stressful and toxic situation was a process fraught with setbacks and trepidation, yet nature always caught me. The trees listened and comforted me; the mountains showed me compassion and shared their wisdom. I built increasing momentum as I healed, hiked, and connected with nature. Ravens and crows became guardians, hemlocks became a source of protective energy, cottonwoods taught me how to be more confident, rivers showed me how to change my perspective, mosquitos taught me the value of persistence in getting my needs met. Every being I encountered in nature seemed to offer unique support, guidance, and love.
Nature helped me make the hardest decisions of my life, and brought me here.
After years of healing on and off trail, I reached a turning point in 2022. After so much personal growth, hiking, letting go of addiction, and reclaiming my sovereignty, it was time for a radical change. I had spent a glorious summer solo hiking all over Washington state, but when I returned to the life I’d outgrown, I was overwhelmed with despondency and a feeling of suffocation. Over the next few months, I was barely able to function–save for my time in the mountains–and it became clearer what life was calling me to do. With the support of key nature beings and a few incredible humans, I garnered the strength to walk away from my career as an elementary school teacher and shortly after, my marriage.
I struck out on my own for the second time, starting a new life and business helping others heal. To some, this would be too scary, and there’s no shame in that. The fear of the unknown could easily overshadow the pain of staying in an empty life. But I had the privilege of being fully supported by my nature family–the mountains, the trees, the raptors, the moon–so I never hesitated. Once I accepted things could only improve by moving on, nature and special people stepped in to show me the way.
I owe the life I love today—its joys, grief, hardships, ease, and everything in between—to my relationships with nature beings and the healthy humans I now gratefully have in my life. As I continue healing, learning, and growing, I continue hiking and deepening my relationship with nature–now with a cat! (How I ended up with an adventure cat as a hiking companion is the topic of another post, so stay tuned.)
Perhaps the most rewarding side effect of all of this is the joy of sharing nature with the world, both in what I post on social media and what I do for a living. Bringing the healing power, wisdom, and beauty of the natural world into the lives of others is a profound honor and privilege.
My child self would never have guessed being able to hear a tree speak would make me anything other than weird. Yet here I am offering readings to those who come to me for support on their own healing journeys.
What’s with all the land acknowledgements?
As we near the end of this hike through my backstory, I’d like to take a moment to explain why I include a land acknowledgement every time I share my travels on social media. For starters, it’s the least I can do as a white person who benefits immensely from the theft of native land. On a deeper level, it is an expression of my values, my gratitude for those who came before me, and my love of the land. Just like you and all other beings, I am a child of our mother Earth. As her offspring, we’re entrusted with and responsible for her care and stewardship. Because I’ve leaned so much on nature to provide what the humans around me could not, it’s no surprise I feel this responsibility deeply.
Indigenous perspectives on our role and relationship with the land, as I understand them, resonate with my soul in ways that our exploitative modern societal structure never has. I’m also working with my feelings about the complex issues faced by indigenous peoples, and how I can serve as we all face the hard truth about the impact of our choices on the land. I strive to leverage the power I hold to demonstrate respect and amplify voices we need to hear if we’re going to repair our relationship with the land. I’m not here to force my values on others; I’m here to share the magnificent gifts of the natural world in ways that heal and inspire wonder, awe, and love.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. I value your time and attention; they are your most precious resources. I have much in store for us in the future and I hope you’ll hike with me again soon. Until then, may your climbs invigorate you and your summits take your breath away.
~Rae
Join me on Instagram @rae.and.tushar.outside to see my hiking and running journeys with Tushar, my adventure cat companion.
